Ten Things I Need

5 Oct


So now that it’s decided, now that we’re doing this, I’m going to need a game plan. It’s a bit overwhelming, becoming an International Woman of Mystery and all. How does a girl go from being a doormat to kicking down doors? I’ve decided to start with the basics. Mysteriousness: 101. I’ll start by tackling the essentials, acquiring all that I need to look and act the part before moving on to more complicated missions. Here’s what I’ve come up with so far:

Ten Things I Need to Become An International Woman of Mystery

1. Homebase: The pad. The crib. The secret layer. The place where the International Woman of Mystery can go at the end of the day for debriefing and cocktails. Having secured residency in this fine city, I must now transform this empty apartment into my operational command post and fabulous fortress of solitude.

2. External Headquarters: There’s pleasure and then there is business. An International Woman of Mystery will need a hip hangout for getting focused, researching her next mission, meeting potential contacts, generating correspondence for this blog and generally getting shit done. Could be a quaint coffee shop, a trendy workspace or a public library. Will commence with scouting locales in the very near future.

3. The Look: Cultivating a new identity also means culling a new look. The International Woman of Mystery will have a killer bod and an even more killer closet. The black clothes, the heeled boots, the trench coat, the signature shade of lipstick that looks good with everything. Sleek and simple, yet sophisticated. An outfit for every occasion, be it going incognito in a crowd or charming her way into exclusive A-List events.

4. A Theme Song: Every superhero has a signature tune. The one that signifies her arrival. A figure of intrigue such as myself should require similar fanfare. The perfect theme song will motivate, inspire and encompass the mission at large. Also, it should probably have a good beat.

5. A Passport: This one is a no-brainer. Having spent my savings on procuring all of the aforementioned items, foreign travel might not be immediately in the budget. But no excuses: I must be ready to hop on a plane and traverse to exotic locations at a moment’s notice.

6. An Alias: Another crucial must-have. The alter ego. The secret identity that makes everything possible. Critical for remaining anonymous, enigmatic and otherwise mysterious.

7. A Good Disguise: More extreme missions may require additional transformation. Sydney Bristow (remember Alias?) had about a million different wigs and looked fabulous in all of them while simultaneously kicking ass. I don’t know if I have a good excuse for even one good wig, but that’s a minor detail. An International Woman of Mystery doesn’t need an excuse anyway.

8. An Inspiration: As an International Woman of Mystery, I may be an island unto myself, but I could still use a good mentor. Until I find a real life sensei, I shall seek tutelage by studying the many trailblazers who have gone before me. From the real life mavens to fictional phenoms. Amazing women lurk everywhere among us. I make it my mission to find them and learn whatever it is they have to teach me.

9. A kickass set of wheels: I may not have a Batmobile, but I am going to need a mode of transportation besides hoofing it. The sooner I acquire a car the sooner I can begin to discover and subsequently conquer my surroundings. Or maybe a Vespa. I’ve always wanted a Vespa…

10. A Nemesis: I have yet to make friends in this town, yet alone adversaries. Still, it seems that no heroine gig is without its challenges. Eventually, I’m sure I’ll have tofight the good fight against evil forces, but for now I choose to battle adversity. No more wallowing in breakup sadness and quarter life crises. Self-doubt and self-pity are now my sworn enemies.

Let the transformation begin.


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