New Year’s Eve

31 Dec


Happy New Year, Dear Internet!

Tis I! Jenny G.: International Woman of Mystery. Broadcasting to you live because I am …drunk?!

So anyway! It all started out innocently enough. Alone in a new city. Without a without a date! Well! An International Woman of Mystery doesn’t REQUIRE a date! Turns out, she can have plenty of fun all by her lonesome. She doesn’t even need a suitor to plant a kiss on her lips at midnight. Unnecessary!

But! I needed to uphold some traditions. I went to the liquore store for a few provisions. I had meant to only get a couple of those mini bottles of champagne when inspiration struck! Would the International Woman of Mystery really sip champagne. I askedmyself? I think not. It was time to start perfecting my martini. The sooner I conquer that, the sooner I can move on to my own signature cocktail.

There once was a simple champagne run. But it became an elaborate gin, vermouth,… vodka (in case I find I like them dirty), green olives and a cocktail shaker set. That type of excursion. I got home just in time to see the sun go down from my balcony. A lucky break.

AND NOW? I’m watching Eat, Pray, Love.

This movie is so stupid. I’m sorry, but it is. I happened to glimpse it on Redbox the other day and thought it might be good inspiration for this blog. So when I selected it to be this evening’s entertainment, I wasn’t sure if it would still be there, but it was, which means it’s meant to be!

So anyway. The movie is stupid because in the end, she just ends up with one stupid guy after another. The International Woman of Mystery would never settle for such an ending! It is hardly mysterious or international. Okay it’s kind of international but whatever! She spends most of the movie being such a victim and feeling sorry for herself. Oh did I mention she does this all while getting paid to travel the world and write for a living? I know! So hard!

The ridiculousness of the movie drove me back to my original mission: Martini. The first batch had too much vermouth but I couldn’t waste it! I would train my pallet for the future! I drank the first batch. The second rendering was closer but still missing something. I drank it and made another. AND SO ON.

So anyway, I’m watching this movie and I think that I could do this so much better. I already am doing it so much better! The International Woman of Mystery doesn’t need a fancy publishing advance or a man or a trip to Italy to find herself. The International Woman of Mystery doesn’t need Julia Roberts to play her in the movie version. The International Woman of Mystery buys her own drinks.

The International Woman of Mystery says: eat, pray love your heart out!

It’s almost midnight and I am intoxicated and alone, but I have more martinis and all around me I can hear people celebrating the New Year. Mark my words that this year will be the year of the IWOM! (I’ve got an acronym, which is more than Julie Roberts can say!) I shall now toast in 2016 from my balcony, so I am signing off!


-Jenny G.


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